You’re not truly alive if you can’t love. And if you haven’t found someone who loves you completely, it can feel as though you’re half of a person.
Some of the greatest writers and scholars in history have known this and spread the word. Gandhi said, “Where there is love, there is life.” And Henry David Thoreau said, “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
Love is a drug that improves your health, outlook, and makes the world a better place. The human body craves love. Love is life, and you need that even if you don’t have the opportunity to share it with someone else right now.
So, how can you get love unless someone gives it to you? Give it to yourself.
OK, you’re probably thinking, “here we go again with more self-love guru crap.” But there’s real behavioral science behind it.
You see, love isn’t bad. It’s not painful and best left alone. The problems arise when you love the wrong person. That leads to pain, regret, and self loathing.
After all, if that person couldn’t even love you, how bad must you be, right? Wrong!
You’re validating the wrong person in the relationship. So it’s time for a crash course: Self Love 101.
Self Love 101
It’s essential to love yourself before trying to love someone else.
Because if you don’t, you won’t need that person because you love them, you’ll love them because you’ll need them. And those are very different concepts.
If you love out of need, once that required feeling is gone, the love fades with it. But if you need someone because you love them, you’ll either continue loving that person or be able to love someone else if your needs ever change.
A few different things can happen if you refuse to love yourself:
- You could latch on to the tiniest scraps of love thrown your way, regardless of how worthless or unhealthy they may be.
- You may feel so unworthy that you refuse to accept real love when it comes your way.
- You may be too afraid of being hurt for the first time, or being hurt again.
- You may end up pushing all prospects away to protect yourself or because you refuse to believe you can be loved.
The act of self-love becomes habitual rather quickly. And if practiced, it acts as a magnet to draw in the love you want and need in your life.
The right people will always be drawn to you if you love yourself. How can they not be? As soon as you realize your own worth, they’ll see the same thing.
Self-love tips can help anyone struggling with insecurity, especially those who have been walked on and neglected. Anyone who has treated others like crap to feel confident about themselves can also benefit from self-love. If you’re somewhere in the center of the two, and about to be blindsided by love, you’re definitely ready for the following self love tips.
Pay attention to your feelings and be willing to act on them
Don’t rush into something if you’re not ready. But practice letting your feelings lead you where you need to go.
In most cases, if your emotional reactions are positive and it feels good, it probably is good. But if it makes you feel bad, be willing to let it go. Put yourself first.
Follow The “Golden Rule”
It’s always important to treat others as you want to be treated. But that extends to yourself as well.
Practice being kind to yourself. Treat yourself with love and respect. Offer understanding and compassion. Forgive yourself of human error. But when the inner voices shout, drown them out with your favorite tunes until they give up and go away. Take care of yourself first
Your needs must always come before a love interest’s. That’s not saying someone else shouldn’t be an important part of your life. But you have to love yourself first.
Go out for the night with close friends. Play your favorite video game for a few hours. Get some you time. Develop some real self worth. And then you’ll be able to focus on someone else either right away or down the line.
Being open to love begins internally. Once you’ve followed these steps and practiced self-love, you’ll radiate an irresistible inner glow that will draw outside love to you. Just give it time and let it happen.